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What is more important to a person: a life of safety and blandness, living in a world of total happy ignorance -- or a world where emotions, curiosities, ambition, and love are real, but so are pain, regret, depression, and loss? For me, the second option is the only way it can be. To take away any of those things (good or bad) takes away the essence of life.
On that note, today is the last day that I, Benjamin Fleck, am 25 years old.
Cue internal anxiety and panic.
It's been a great quarter of a century and I can't believe August 30th, 2014 - my 26th birthday has finally arrived. I remember when I was (still am) a kid. Being 26 years old was some elusive old thing that I thought I would never happen to me. Five seconds later, I'm turning 26. Time has proven over and over to be a bitchy, unending pit and I need a ladder. Or a helicopter. A hovercraft!
When looking back over my past 25 years, I've experienced a lot of great things. I was able to do so much, for which I am so grateful for. But, then again, I also look back and see all the things I never did or accomplished. I find I often regret the chances/opportunities I missed rather then regretting actual things I did.
Does that make sense? No. Well, it shouldn't because what I came to realize was that I literally want to do it *all* and I can't. There is no feasible way for me to make a student film, while rowing crew 6 days a week, and writing for a newspaper, while interning at a production company, and traveling leisurely on whims as I check in on the Game of Thrones set in Croatia. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE, but I AM INSATIABLE.
How can I fix this? Anybody? I am seriously asking. Will I just have to learn to accept this and be happy with what I can do? Is wanting to do and experience everything actually a curse? They say "ignorance is bliss" and I am really starting to believe them, whoever "they" are. But, being ignorant is awful and I can't imagine having no idea what is going on around me. I am a very self-aware and curious (some say nosy) person. And taking that away from me would take away what makes me, me. Perhaps, I am just talking this talk because I just saw the movie, The Giver (which is an even better book. PLZ READ NOW). Regret can't exist without a desire to learn, see, feel, and experience. The bad comes with the good.
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| Read Me, baby Gabe! |
So, that being said, I know I can never get rid of the regret. It will always be there. So, to counter that, I just have to promise myself that I will do my best to live life to the fullest. That means: creating things, traveling, seeing as much of the world as possible, reading as many book as possible (I'm over half-way through with the '52 books in 52 weeks' challenge), experiencing things I've never experienced before, making new friends, starting things I've been wanting to start, connecting with people all over the world, putting myself out there, and finding what I love to do and doing it.
It is no easy task, but I am going to try my best so that when my 27th birthday arrives, and I look back over the past year, I won't be able to say "I regret not doing..." anything because each day, I did something creative, new, and engaging. I put myself out there and that is something that I can't regret.
Ya? Ya!
Oh, and I plan on taking a small video of something every day of my 26th year and maybe compiling it into one big video. That will encourage me to do cool things so I don't have a video of me just sitting in my room, binge watching Netflix (Olive Pope, you scandal!), while petting my cat and eating a bag of banana chips. Damn you, Trader Joe's.
So, cheers to my 25th year. On to the next...
- ben josé, 25.99 years old
EDIT: As luck would have it, I broke my phone in the Salt Lake City Airport the day after my birthday and since my cellphone was going to be my means of recording a video every day, I definitely have a problem! WOMP, WOMP. So, looks like that is going to be put on hold until I get a new phone - which might not be for a bit since the new iPhone 6 was just released! Stay tuned...
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